The Pumpkin Spice Latte Tease

Aren’t you excited that Fall is finally here? I know I am!  I bought two sweaters yesterday!!   I know Fall has arrived because Starbucks has started serving their Pumpkin Spice latte.  A sure sign that Fall has officially started.  So, I got excited and started to think my runs would get easier, I envisioned running with my winter clothes, my sweet jackets and long sleeve shirts…..

Then I went out for a run on Saturday and was met with 90degree weather and 90% humidity conditions that could barely allow me to breathe.  I had to walk a lot and was drenched in sweat within 3 minutes. It was awful and I thought ‘Stupid f-ing Starbucks, what a bunch of liars’.  I completely blame them.  I’m not sure how the autumnal equinox didn’t shift to the release of the pumpkin spice latte, but it didn’t happen. 

I have learned a few things this year.  I’ve learned that summer is definitely my hardest running season.  Where I used to have a great run 8 out of 10 times, it drops to about 3 out of ten times in the summer.  Nothing has changed besides the weather.  But interestingly enough, with each bad run comes the dread of the next bad run and then comes the quitting phase.  Which is something that has always plagued me.  I’ve never been able to go out, have a horrible run and wipe the slate clean for the next run.  My latest horrible run will plague me and sit on my shoulder whispering ‘You suck’ until the next run.  Which in the summer, the next run is most likely to be horrible again based on my statistics. 

So, I’ve finally learned to force myself to be a little more loving this summer.  I tell myself that its fine to go slow, its fine to walk, its fine to be miserable but I’m out there, I’m still doing it.  Even if its only 3 miles, it was 3 miles more than I had done already.  I keep telling myself that my time will come and that time will be when the temperature gets down into the 70’s.  And then it will get easier and more enjoyable again. Although it seems like it will never happen and some weather phenomenon will occur to where we’ll be stuck in this humid hell forever.  Although I blame Starbucks for the tease, it is a sure sign that we are moving in the right direction.  Keep it up runners!  I believe and hope that cooler weather is coming!  And surely we will see rewards for running through this hot humid weather!!

Team in Training

After finishing my 9th half marathon this weekend, I realized just how much Team in Training has been integral in helping me achieve my goals.  I've been so thankful for the friendly faces and support.  It has been an overwhelming feeling being a part of such an amazing Team.  Although this past weekend's race, the VA Beach Rock N Roll, was not my last race for the year, it was my last race as a TNT participant for the year.  And it was a little bittersweet.  But I enjoyed every minute of it and didn't leave the sides of two of my favorite teammates, Kelly and Steven.  Highlights of the race included seeing all of our coaches along the way and our cheer squads along the side of the road.  When I remember this race in the future, I know I'll just remember the Team. 

I had the amazing honor to give a speech at the Team in Training Inspiration dinner.  The TNT participant speech is always important...it seems like that person always drives the point home as to why we do what we do with TNT. And obviously I was a little nervous.  Even more nervous after realizing that I was going to follow John Bingham 'The Penguin'.  He is an amazing speaker!  Overall, I think my speech went well, although I looked out across the crowd to see somber faces that made me think I might have inadvertently killed someone's dog at some point in the speech.  But let's be honest, we are talking about cancer...so it was kinda of a necessarily poignant speech. 

Below is my speech for those of you that are interested!

Let’s get one thing straight before I truly delve into this speech.  I’m not a good runner. And I’m proud to admit that I’m not a good runner.  I slog away at a 10min mile pace and still have training runs that make me want to lie down in the middle of the street and question why I even try.  Running is not natural to me and I’m not one of those runners that looks graceful and beautiful while effortlessly running an 8min mile pace.  Not that there is anything wrong with that…I mean, kudos to ya’ll. I secretly curse you all but no…really… good for all you gazelles out there.  But for the rest of us, I promise you that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll have slept horribly through the night, I’ll be nervous about finishing and for the 9^th time this year, I’ll take a deep breath,  look at myself in the mirror and wonder …’Whose crazy idea was this?’. 

And that crazy idea was for me was to decide to run a half marathon every single month this year while trying to raise $12,000 with for Team in Training and for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society.  

But when I first came up with the idea to run a half marathon every month, it was not completely met with enthusiasm from my family or friends.  As, I’ve stated, I’m not the best runner and I knew better than anyone that this wasn’t going to be easy for me. My normally very supportive husband was extremely concerned about this challenge in the terms of time and monetary commitments and I could tell he initially didn’t want me to go down this path.  He kept asking me to ‘really think about this’. My loving and actually very supportive Father emailed me and said ‘In this economy, you’d have better luck raising $1,200 instead of $12,000’ and my supervisor just looked at me and shook his and said ‘Uhhh uhh…no, that’s crazy’.   All of these responses had me questioning myself and wondering if maybe I was truly crazy to do this.  Maybe I was overreaching my capabilities.  Maybe I shouldn’t do this?

But there are moments in your life when you truly know in your heart that your instincts and dreams are right… and you know that the path in front of you is the correct one, no matter what anyone else is saying to you.   And this was one of those moments for me.  The fact that some people didn’t fully believe in me only fueled my desire to go forward with my 12in12 half marathon challenge.   And when I tentatively emailed Josh, our beloved TNT Campaign Manager,  about my goal to run a half marathon every month and then actually sat down and chatted with him, I had that incredibly scary exhilarating moment where I realized there was no turning back.   I was going to do this.  

I knew this was going to be a tough year for me, full of challenges … and it has been.  I could go on and on about my 8 different races from this year and the tough yet wonderful moments throughout each.  I could tell you about my Nashville race when I was running for Uncle Pat… so proud to have his picture and name on my jersey… and at mile 12 after many hills and a lot of heat, I stopped to walk some because quite honestly, I was tired.  And how at that moment one young lovely woman strode by and lovingly patted me and said ‘Don’t stop running, come on, Do it for Uncle Pat’ and it took everything in my power to smile at her not turn around and scream ‘YOU go do it for Uncle Pat’.    Yes, I’ve definitely had a few interesting race moments this year.

But these weren’t my first races and I felt prepared for those type of race moments…what I wasn’t prepared for was the type of moments that I’d get from Team in Training.  I wasn’t prepared to be a part of a family.  I wasn’t prepared to truly be a part of a TEAM….  This amazing group of people willing to put a mission above themselves, to do more together than as individuals.   And I’ve continued to be amazed by you all.  I’ve been amazed by the constant fundraising…fundraising is hard.  I think it is probably harder than the training.  I’ve been amazed by the dedication and passion in all of you.  I’ve been amazed when my mentor Steven decides to run 11 miles instead of his planned 6 just to ensure that his mentee runs her planned 11.  I’m continually amazed that somehow Coach Bob and Coach Michelle continue to make us all feel like we are the most important people in the world.   I’m amazed to always see Pat with a huge smile on his face on the trail, no matter the day.  It has been an honor to be around people who dig deeper, push harder and never give up.  If you have a sneaking suspicion that you might be rare and special, I have news for you…you are!  Because of all of you, I’ve choked back tears on runs after hearing your mission moments; these incredible stories about your children, your parents, your spouses, your siblings, family and close friends that have fought this horrible disease.   Remarkably, so many of them have won their battles due to the science enabled by your fundraising.  

But we wouldn’t be here tonight and we wouldn’t be running 13 long miles tomorrow if there weren’t also the stories of those that we’ve lost.  We wouldn’t run tomorrow if we weren’t still thinking of those we may yet lose. 

I was not running for Team in Training in 2007 when my Uncle Pat was battling the hardest phases of his leukemia.  Quite honestly, I was paralyzed by fear at the time.  I had lost my brother to a non cancer related death a few years before and I was paralyzed with fear that I might lose someone else I love.  So I was not running.  I was not a part of this amazing group of people.

 But I realize now that someone else out there was running.  That person didn’t know my Uncle Pat, they didn’t know me.  They didn’t know my cousins Anne, Patrick and John.  They didn’t even know that they were running for my Uncle but they did. They ran for my Uncle, they ran for my family.   They were pushing through their pain when our family felt helpless.  And I’d like to thank that person.  Wherever that person is. I’d like to thank that hero in purple that I’ll never know.  Because of that unknown person’s determination and actions, my Uncle Pat is in remission.   Because of my unknown hero, he’s met three grandchildren.   That person is any one of us.  It’s any one of you that have to courage to do something outside of your comfort zone, to know that you are on your correct path, no matter how many people tell you that you probably can’t do it, that you might fail.  Yet you decided to do it anyway.

Tomorrow, I’ll be running my 9^th half marathon this year and will have raised over $10,000 throughout the year for LLS. And everyone always asks me why I’m doing this crazy challenge this year… my short light hearted answer  is ‘I do it for my Uncle Pat’ but the real answer is that I do it for someone else’s Uncle, someone else’s brother, someone else’s sister or child.  I run with unknown names on my jersey and in my heart.  I run for the friend, cousin, spouse, sibling or parent that might be paralyzed by the fear of losing someone they dearly love.   I run because someone else ran for my family once.  And like all of you that will be running tomorrow, I also run so one day, we won’t have to run anymore, I run for a cure.

What’s your number?

Everyone keeps asking me ‘How many half marathons have you done?’. 

And this is actually a very confusing question for me right now.  I can’t figure out if they are asking only about this year or about my entire life.  I also get the feeling that people think I just started running this year.  So, I normally say ‘7 this year’ and hope that it answers the mail.  Because I honestly didn’t know the other answer to how many I’ve done my entire life. 

A few little forgotten details like this have bothered me this year, including the answer to the question ‘What was your best marathon time?’.  I’ve done two marathons in my life and am proud of the lobotomy that occurred afterwards.  I’ve never even thought of what my time was during those two marathons until this year.  I told Coach Bob and my mentor Steven Jenkins that I didn't remember when they asked me about my best marathon time. You would have thought that I grew another head and sprouted a tail.  They were completely flabbergasted by my non-remembering response.   ‘How do you not remember what your marathon time is???‘ they both very confusedly asked and I just shrugged.  It was never very important to me.  None of my times ever were and neither was the # of half marathons until this year.  I always saw half marathons as social time, mainly with my friend Jenfer.  I saw it as 2 ½ hours of uninterrupted time to spend with one of my best friends.  No boys, no distractions, just her.  And I can only remember all the half marathons that I’ve done by remembering the people I’ve done them with.

So I sat down one day and figured this out.  Because I’m tired of shrugging my shoulders. 

Marathons: I’ve done two.  The first I did alone in New Orleans in 2007 with a time of 5:07 and then 2^nd was the VA Beach Shamrock Marathon with Jenfer in 2011 with a time of 5:37.  Which I don’t want to talk about.  Because I was better trained for the 2^nd one and it makes me slightly angry to talk about the 20 min time disparity.  I attribute it to age. I’ve got a good mind to rectify the situation after this year tho.

Half Marathons: It took me a long time to do the research on this question.  As of today, I’ve done….dunt dunt da dahhh…wait for it….keep waiting…I’m not ready to tell you yet…still wait...ok..16!!!!  And will hopefully end up with 21 by the end of this year, knock on some wood!    So here is a little re-cap:

2006

·         Mercedes Half Marathon, Birmingham – 2:31  This was my very first half and I had only run 8 miles total beforehand.  Jenfer kept Carden and I at a steady eddy pace and it was thrilling.  Wonderful.  I was sincerely hooked.  I remember hitting 9 miles and yelling ‘This is the furthest I’ve ever run!!!’.  I can honestly say that I owe Jenfer everything for getting me into running long distance.  There is always somebody that did this for you, that pushed you to try and she is my person.  We made a vow to run a half every year together, which we have so far!

2007

·         Mercedes Half Marathon, Feb 11^th – 2:32 Talk about a consistent time between years.  Again, this run was with Jenfer.  But two weeks later I did my first marathon.  Looking back on this, I can’t believe this is how it went down…I did two half marathons before attempting a full.  What a loon.

2008

·         Mercedes Half Marathon Feb 10^th – 2:32 With Jenfer again, followed two weeks later by

·         Mardi Gras Half Marathon Feb 24^th – 2:31  again, how consistent time wise was I? 

2009

·         Shamrock Half Marathon March – 2:13!  BAM, that’s what training does for ya!  This would be my PR for years to come.

·         Rock N Roll Va Beach September – 3:05  BAM, that’s what only running 5 miles tops before a half marathon will do for you.  I hurt for days!  Jenfer was a little disappointed in me and I had to sit down b/c I could no longer walk.  Yea…

2010 – Let’s call 2010 ‘the year of not training’

·         Disney Princess, Mar 7^th  – 2:47  I was on a roll about not training, mind over matter I say!  More pain, the less gain.  I did enjoy the race but I’m pretty sure that Jenfer wanted to kill me seeing as not training was beginning to be pretty consistent.  And I enjoyed hurting so much that I did it again two weeks later…

·         Shamrock Half Marathon, Mar 22 – 3:02  Did I mention that I hadn’t really trained?  Oh and I was still hurting after Disney.  2010 wasn’t the best running year.  And I stopped running shortly after, you totally get what you put into it...duh.

2011

·         This year had started with the Shamrock Marathon.  Jenfer and I ran it together and that is another story for another time…

·         Divas Puerto Rico 2:49  - this was one of the hottest races I’ve ever done.  Although I had trained up to 11miles beforehand, I just couldn’t get past the heat.

2012   - We know these!!

·         Jan - Auburn ‘Who stole my Ham’ – 2:45ish

·         Feb – Run the Reagan – 2:22

·         Mar – DC RnR – 2:24

·         Apr – Nashville RnR – 2:23

·         May – W’burg – 2:45

·         June – San Diego – 2:10 New PR!

·         July – Chicago – 2:28

So, there you go…those are my #s!  Now you know my deepest darkest running secrets. 

July - Chicago Rock N Roll Half

This past weekend was the July Chicago Half Marathon, #7 of 12in12in2012!! I was so excited to see my cousin Anne, who is my ‘LLS Hero’ Uncle Pat’s daughter.  We have always been close and grew up right down the street from each other.  So, it was really special that she was able to take part in this. 

I have to be honest in that I was not trained well for this race.  My long runs had fallen off and I just have felt lousy the past month in regards to running.  The heat really sucks it out of me and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t tired of doing a half marathon every month!  Therefore, I was a little scared about this run.  This is classic ‘Megan Natter’ racing, where I don’t train well but still do the race.  And this was what I have been trying to avoid this year by doing a race each month.   But I decided to go into this race with the simple goal of seeing 13.1 miles of Chicago, a city that I’ve never seen!  During a race, we so often forget to just look around.  We are so hunched over concentrating on the race that you rarely look up.  Chicago has a fantastic skyline, so while I ran the race I just made sure to look up, to look around and to enjoy the run. 

The race started and a few miles in, I literally remember thinking ‘Hello old friend’ and smiling.  There is something so familiar and comforting in a long distance run.  And I realized that I had truly missed it.  Why had I been dreading this so much recently? The first 8 miles went by in a breeze and I thought to myself…’Maybe the running gods are smiling upon me today’.  Ahhhh…sweet hope.

The last 5 miles went downhill pretty fast.  But I’m proud of myself for not getting angry with myself.  I laughed it off and thought, ‘Did you really expect to have an awesome race when you didn’t really train? Silly Megan!’.  You truly run the race you train for and I had trained for an 8 mile race, not a 13 mile one!  But for once, it was ok.  I picked my head up and looked around, I smiled and just kept moving, albeit a little slower!

My Uncle Jim and his wife Linda, along with my cousin Anne, were there cheering me on and I was able to see them 3 times during the race!  What a huge pick me up!  I’m always so thankful for spectator supporters.  It is hard to describe how amazing it is that someone comes out to watch you run.  Linda had even made me a sign, which as many of you know, I love my signs.  I’m amazed that I’m special enough for someone to make me a sign!

This year is a learning experience.  Some lessons you can see coming and others are just complete surprises.  I didn’t expect to enjoy this race as much as I did.  I fully expected to be miserable.  Honestly, I had a blast even amidst doing only an ‘ok’ race.  But the biggest lesson I learned during the Chicago half was that I do truly like to run!!  After 10 years of telling everyone that I hate running but do it to stay in shape, I realize now that I was lying to myself.  It has taken 7 half marathons in 7 months to step back and see that running is a part of me.  It is actually something that I love.  What verified this realization was seeing the pictures my Uncle Jim took of me on the course.  In every single picture, there is really only one emotion that describes my face and that emotion is Joy.  What a surprise! 

The heat....oh...the heat

June hasn’t been the best of months for me for running.  I’ve been out of my routine and had multiple guests in the house every weekend.  It has been tough to get back into things.  Not to mention the 90 -100 degree heat that keeps rolling in every other day. 

 Heat just makes me tired.  I don’t want to do anything when it is this hot outside.  I had to pump myself up to go to the grocery story yesterday because I was dreading unloading the groceries in the heat.   I had anxiety about walking those 10 feet a few times back and forth to my car just to bring the groceries into the house.  Mainly because I’m a sweater.  I sweat A LOT.  I know you have heard this before from some people, but I truly believe that I’m different and am a freak of sweat nature.  I don’t glisten or glow, I drip.  Not just during exercise either.  I can break into a full on sweat during a meeting, a stressful situation, if I meet a really hot guy (Sorry Dave!  But if it makes you feel better, I broke out into a sweat 6 years ago!) or just walking to my car.  I wear black most days and most people just think I’m fashionably challenged or depressed, whereas my real friends and family know that I’m trying to cover up the inevitable sweat that will descend upon me at some point in the day.  Classy, right?  This ultimately means that I ruin many a decent outfits, my makeup or have to shower twice a day during these fun summer months. 

 It also means that I’m in a permanent state of dehydration.  I am constantly playing catch up to hydrate.  When I go for a run, I lose a few pounds in water.  Not good.  Although the girly narcissistic side of me always thinks ‘Helllllz YEA!’ when I see those few lbs missing on the scale right after a run.  The smart side of me knows that I’m really dehydrated.  We all have different symptoms of dehydration, but these are mine: Crankiness, Heart pounding, Fatigue, Calf/Leg cramps, Headaches and lack of desire to run (what a vicious cycle that last one is!).

 I’ve got little advice for myself during this time of year.  Some would say to run inside in the A/C, but I know that that my races will be outside and I’m ultimately doing a disservice to myself by not acclimating to the weather.  My only thought is to drink, drink, drink and then inevitably sweat, sweat, sweat while running slow, slow, slow.  The slow part being the most important.  There is no need to get crazy and push myself pace wise right now.  There is no need to beat myself up if I don’t make another PR in the next couple of races.  My only need right now is to train consistently and not get injured.  And I’m pretty sure that dehydrated beef jerky muscles make for an easy injury!  We’ve all snapped into a Slim Jim before and no part of that process is pretty.

So, when you see me walking around dressed in all black, I swear I’m not depressed…I’m just sweating.  Please say hello and tell me to go drink some more water!

The Aftermath of a Personal Record

After I finished my San Diego race and got a new personal record, my immediate thought was ‘Now what?’.  My secondary thought was ‘Megan, now you run another 6 half marathons, like you’ve promised’ and my third thought was ‘But I don’t understand what I’m aiming for?’.   PR’s are probably like weddings, you work really hard, get stupid excited about it, think everyone really cares and when the big day finally comes and go, you are left feeling a little anti climatic and confusedly wondering…what comes next?   

 But not only have I felt a little anti climatic, I’ve felt downright entitled.  Entitled to what?  Well, pretty much anything bad for you…Candy, Pizza, beer, wine, liquor, tv, more candy, cake, jelly beans, too much rest (not running) and the overall entitlement that I think I’m too important to drink water.  That last one was rewarded with a Charlie horse muscle seizure wake up call from hell at 2am where I lay clutching my left calf wondering if I was going to die and trying to Lamaze breathe through it much like I envision what birthing a 13lb baby would be like (not that I have any inkling but I’m trying to empathize).

 I’ve immediately rectified the water situation by realizing that a permanent state of dehydration is not comfortable, nor is it desirable.  So, I’ve been drinking water.  I still have been eating too much sugar, evident by the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup wrapper in my trash can and the look of disgust that my Captain had on his face when he came over to my cubicle today.  Maybe I had chocolate and peanut butter smeared on my dress and I didn’t realize it? 

 I went for a little run and it hurt like hell, probably due to the shriveled dehydrated state of my legs.  And I haven’t gotten back on the road since.  I’m feeling like a bit of a hot confused mess if I’m honest with myself.  It’s the emotional equivalent of standing in the rain looking up at the sky in tattered clothing and crying ‘WHAT NEXT? What am I supposed to dooooooooooo?’ while shoving See’s candy in my mouth and then deciding to take a nap.

 I told a fellow runner that I felt confused as to how to run my next race.  Do I take it easy?  Do I push even harder? Do I just go with the flow?  She very matter of factly said ‘You just try to do better than the last time’.  Easy for her to say, she hasn’t run 6 of these already this year.  I’m freaking tired!

 Originally, I had the taste of PR blood and wanted more, wanted to go faster, but now I just want a really good night’s sleep (which ironically probably won’t happen unless I go for a run!).  So, what to do? 

 Well, I’m going to drink more water for starters.  I’m going to try to cut back on the sweets and increase the veggies.  Then I’m going to take a slight pain killer before my next run to lobotomy my body of my previous run.  And I’m going to give some serious thought to my goal for Chicago. And I’m going to seriously remind myself of my big goals…1)Raise $12,000 for LLS  2)Train consistently through 2012.  The PR was a nice byproduct of my big goals but I can’t allow myself to feel done quite yet!!

June - San Diego!!

June Half Marathon- San Diego!

I was soooo excited about this half marathon!!  Everything about this half was lining up to be awesome…  It wasn’t supposed to be crazy hilly and the weather was supposed to be 65 degrees and overcast.  This is a huge Team in Training event and I had the incredible inspiration of Meggie on my jersey to keep me going.  It was in San Diego, which is where my Mom grew up and is literally like a second home to me.  I had my Aunt Linda and Cousin Christine that had planned to be at the race at mile 10 to cheer me on.   Everything was coming together…this was my equivalent of a personal record perfect storm, in the most positive sense.

A huge part of the perfect storm that I didn’t account for was my Virginia Team from Team in Training.   I’ve talked about the wonderful Coach Bob before and he was there  to get us prepped and ready for the race.  But I have to give a shout out to two wonderful men that I’m completely friend smitten by…Steven Jenkins and David Hinshaw.  These two men became such fast friends and the support that I felt from both of them was completely unaccounted for in my perfect storm calculations.  It pushed my perfect storm conditions to Perfect Tropical Storm Conditions.  I have such gratitude to them for taking good care of me.  Additionally, our Virginia Team consisted of the lovely Jennifer and Roger whom also became such a huge part of my experience.  I didn’t expect this level of love and support from seemingly strangers. I hope that I returned some level of support to them throughout the weekend.  They are all amazing people who helped push me to a new level for this race.

There was only me standing in my way of a personal record (PR) on this race and I knew that I had a score to settle with myself.   No more complaining.  No more excuses.  It was time to see how hard I can push myself. This was my half way point in 12in12in2012 and it was time for a hard fought victory. I went into the race telling myself to leave nothing on the field.  It was game time.

As Jennifer, Roger and I stood in Corral 18, Roger gave me a big grin and said ‘I can feel it, you are going to PR this race, you got this’ and a huge smile spread across my face.  And off we went!

I kept a sub-10min mile pace and dropped down to a 9 min mile pace on the down hills overall.  And overall I felt pretty good.  I was smiling and waving.  All the while thinking of my honored hero, Meggie.  The San Diego RnR is known for a horrible stretch that is banked with a bad left-right incline.  And it goes on for a few miles, so your knees and hips start to ache from being at different levels.  But just when I really started to hurt, I looked up and there was COACH BOB!!!  Thankfully, he ran with me for a mile and half and entertained me with stories of a time in Italy where he almost got arrested…almost.  As we stopped at a water stop, my heart completely dropped when I realized that I had lost a GU out of my pocket.  I could have sworn that my perfect storm was about to come to an abrupt halt.  I mentioned it to Coach Bob, who in a seemingly miraculous move pulled out a GU and handed it to me.  Have I mentioned that Coach Bob is one of my most favorite people?  Maybe even a running angel of sorts?  

I can’t tell you much about the next portion of the race.  Coach Bob had peeled off in order to support our other Team in Training runners and honestly, I just kept my head down and stayed on track. I knew the next important part of my run was mile 10 where my family was waiting.  I looked down the road to see a huge sign with Meggie’s picture on it and I knew my Aunt and Cousin were behind it.  I had to mentally slap myself in order to choke down the lump forming in my throat and the tears behind it.   This was the part of my perfect storm that I knew would be a huge pick me up for me.  Miles 10-12 are tough for me and I was starting to wear down.  To see my Aunt and Cousin out there for me was amazing.  It meant more to me than I can ever explain to them.  I gave them sweaty hugs and kisses and they sent me on my way. 

Mile 12 hurt.  I think that my body just wasn’t used to being pushed that hard.  I had to stop and walk a little bit.  I kept asking myself ‘Are you leaving it all on the field?  Are you doing your absolute best?’ and I’m honestly not sure.  I hate that I had to walk a little bit, but at the same time I know my body pretty well and am used to pushing it’s limits.  I picked it up again and pushed to the finish line with a little perceived sprint at the end.  I crossed the finish line at 2:10:43 with a brand new personal record for my best half marathon (my old one being 2:13:59 in 2009)!   

I met up with Jennifer and Roger back at the Team in Training tent. Jennifer finished her very first half marathon in 2:14, which is so awesome!  My Aunt Linda and Cousin Chris came down to the finish line and we all just relaxed and chatted.  But I still had a nagging feeling that I wasn’t happy enough about my PR. I wasn’t celebrating enough.  Why was that?  I knew I either wanted to jump up and down or curl up and bawl my eyes out from the relief.  But I was keeping myself in check because maybe it was stupid and meaningless to everyone else?  Maybe it wasn’t a big deal? 

We met up with my new found friend, David Hinshaw, who came in from his finish and quietly asked ‘How’d ya do?’  I told him that ‘I PRd’ in which he started jumping up and down and yelled a big ‘ALLLLLLLLRIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHT!!!  I KNEW YOU WOULD!! THAT’S SOOO AWESOME!!!’ then high fived me and gave me a huge hug.   Sometimes you need someone else to jump up and down in order to celebrate your achievement and his reaction will be something I’ll always hold special about this half. We later found out that Steven had a perfect storm also and PR'd the Marathon!  So awesome!  

You can’t always have the perfect storm race.  In fact, most times you won’t.  Long distance running isn’t for the weak of body, heart, mind or soul.   But occasionally the stars align and God blesses you with the weather, the road, the strength, the support and the inspiration to go further than you thought possible.  And family and friends to help you celebrate when you do!

Williamsburg Half Marathon – MAY!!!

The May Half Marathon was the ‘Run the Achievable Dream’ in Williamsburg, Virginia on May 20th.  What a great race!  If you are looking for a rolling hilly scenic small half marathon that is still done well, this is a great race for you! 

I had planned from the beginning of my 12in12in2012 journey to run with my friend Mayanne during this race.  Throughout Mayanne’s running career, I have assumed the job of coach, mentor, most understanding person in the world and meanest person in the world to Mayanne.  I have straight up told her ‘No’ when she wanted to walk.  But this time around, I told her that there would be no pushing or telling her ‘No’ during this race.  My plan was to just let her feel it out and be there in support mode to entertain her….and maybe do a little coaching! 

Many of my friends (including Mayanne) and family were starting to doubt whether I would be able to quell the need for speed and just be laid back about this half.   But I’m pretty good about knowing when to give myself a break.  And I enjoy having a purpose, and my purpose was to run with Mayanne.

So, honestly, I had a BLAST!!  It was a beautiful course and a great running weather day, just slightly overcast and a little cool.  We jogged along and enjoyed the view, people watching and just being with each other.  During the out/back portion we were able to look for our fellow friend runners in which we screamed at them and high fived them.  We got to see my husband Dave as he was doing the out/back portion of the race.  This was Dave’s first half marathon and he rocked it with a 1:51 time!!  So proud of him!  But, I’m pretty sure that he had an excellent coach! Then we got to see our friend Jim and Mayanne’s husband Anthony.  Jim was doing his 2^nd half and Anthony also was doing his first half marathon and they also rocked it out!

Mayanne and I have a tendency to get philosophical during our runs, so we can use quite a few miles to talk about our life dreams, politics or whatever comes up!  I was so impressed and like a proud mama when Mayanne took every hill and ran up them!  She was such a trooper and her perseverance during the race really inspired me.  I’ve been complaining so much about hills and she didn’t complain once, she just did them!  No more complaining for me!

Initially, Mayanne had stated that she was going to push her competitive nature down and not allow herself to get worked up with people passing her.  But around mile 11, I noticed that this one girl would fly past us on the downhills, only to stop and walk slowly up the hills where we would in turn pass her.  Everytime we would pass her, she would look over and glance at us.  We all know when someone has you in their ‘cross hairs’ and this girl definitely had us in hers.   So I pointed this out to Mayanne and said ‘Now don’t get too worked up, but that girl really wants to beat us and I want you to beat her’.  It was pretty much GAME ON at that point and the poor girl really had no chance after that.  Mayanne picked up our pace and passed her pretty quickly for good. 

If you read my blog, you know that I like to sprint the finishes.  Some people would say that you didn’t give it your all in the race if you can sprint the finish.  But no matter how hard I run a race, I can almost always sprint the finish.  Honestly, I think my ability to do this is just from playing soccer.  In soccer, you train yourself that no matter how tired you are, you must always have another sprint left in you.  That sprint at the end is my dessert.  I will eat and eat but you always leave room for dessert.   And most times the crowd freaks out when you sprint the finish because you stand out to them.  It is a bit of a glory moment and I’ll take it!  But when I run with others, I have a horrible loyalty moment toward the end when I realize that I have room for ‘dessert’ and they don’t want dessert at all.  In fact, ‘dessert’ is literally going to make them vomit!  But I’ve finally learned that you run your own race and I need to do whatever makes me happy in my race.  So, when we entered the stadium to make the final lap, I left Mayanne and took off at a full out sprint! 

And it was awesome!!  As I ran around the track at my perceived sprint, there was a bunch of girls there cheering who started screaming ‘You get it girl!’ and as I sprinted toward the finish line, the announcer said ‘We need to find out this girl’s name!’.  I could hear my husband and our friends Anthony and Jim cheering.  And I had a huge smile on my face.

This was the race I needed at this stage of my journey.  I needed something fun and lighthearted.  All of a sudden, I realized that I never verbalized the 12in12in2012 goal of having fun.  This race reminded me that races are fun!  I know that I knew that deep down.  But my race times and my disappointment in them had completely overshadowed that.  

I have to thank Mayanne for this race because she made it a blast for me.  She took care of all the logistics and set me up to have a good time.  She has always been very intuitive as to my moods and sometimes your friends just know best.  Thanks to her, I was reminded to have some fun in this journey. I am so proud of her for having completed her 2^nd half marathon. 

San Diego is this weekend!  I’m so excited that every time I read an email from Team in Training, I get nauseous!  My amazing cousins will be out there to cheer me on and I just can’t wait to run this race!  This race will mark my half way point for 12in12in2012. 6 races down, 6 to go!!  Pretty crazy!! 

The Big Ugly Cry

I always hope to write about uplifting motivating things, but sometimes life isn’t always like that!!  And in my promise of being honest to you all, here is some honesty.

My long run last weekend was a ten miler.  I had been sick all week with some respiratory illness and knew that it might be a tough run.  I was tired.  I had thrown 4 big parties in the span of weeks and I was finally having a low key weekend.  I had a work situation dramatically brewing and it was weighing heavily on my mind.  I had weight lifted with my legs on Wed and they were tired and sore.  But I also knew that I wanted to push myself on my speed some.  You see, I’m at that point where I’ve run 4 of these half marathons this year and I’m ready to see some results time wise.  I’m starting to get frustrated a little. But overall, I was just spent.  Cue the perfect storm. 

My ankle gave out twice during the run around mile 5.  No, I didn’t hook it on a root or hit a patch of uneven ground.  It just plopped over for no good reason.  I’m pretty forgiving of myself when there is a good reason, but when there isn’t, I’m just mostly annoyed.  So, I increased my focus on the trail and focused on keeping some semblance of energy in my ankles to avoid a real injury.  But I had a hard time breathing because I was still sick.  So, by the time my lovely coach Bob rode by on his bike and asked how I was doing, the big ugly cry commenced.  When most people ask you how you are doing, it is rare to give them a 100% honest answer and it’s rare that they want a 100% honest answer.  But Coach Bob got the 100% honest answer.  He is such a wonderful man that I’ve never considered that he would want anything less. 

I started crying, hyperventilating and an overall freak out!  It was like the world descended upon me and I crumbled beneath its weight.

Let’s face it.  Running is cathartic.  And sometimes you just need a breakdown. 

A yoga teacher once told me a story of a woman having a breakdown during a class on her yoga mat.  How the woman just softly wept during the class.  The teacher said ‘How amazing this was, that her mat and her practice was her safe space.  She felt so much in her element on her mat, that she could just let it all go’.   

I didn’t really think of that story until after this past run.  I realized that the trail and running is my safe space.  There is no pretense there.  No one to impress.  I’m just me.  Take it or leave it. And that makes me proud that the trail is where I feel safe enough to break down.  

Coach Bob said what I knew already ‘We’ve all been there’.  Again, what a wonderful man.  He didn’t shrink away or tell me to suck it up.  He just peddled along on his bike next to me and was there for me.

If you haven’t ever had the equivalent of the big ugly cathartic cry on a run, you are bound to have one eventually.  Especially if you are female.  I’m sure that men have an equivalent.   And hopefully you’ll realize that there is nothing wrong with the big ugly cry.  It just means you’ve found your safe space.  

Blog entry coming up soon...May Half Marathon!  Run for the Achievable Dream in Williamsburg, completed today!!  I'm a little behind on my blog!!  But it was a great race and I'll tell ya'll all about it in a few days!

Nashville - April

So much to tell from this past weekend!!  For the sake of everyone, I’m going to split this into two sections, one about Team in Training and the other about my amazing soccer gals!!

Part 1-Team in Training!!

Team in Training.  Wow.  Just Wow.  This was my first official Team in Training race, 1 of the 3 that I will end up doing over the course of my 12 halfs this year.  If you have ever considered doing Team in Training, just go ahead and do it, they will amaze you.  At first, I was starting to get skeptical about all the events and places to be with Team in Training during the weekend.  I’ve done a few races and I have a certain way of doing things.  I’m a little stubborn and when I’m told where to be and at what time, I have a tendency to rebel!  But at some point, I finally realized that maybe these folks know better than me (shocker!) and I should go with it!  I’m so glad that I did, because they do know better than me! 

We started the weekend with an inspirational dinner in which we were welcomed by whistles, clapping and general heralding!  You feel like a rock star at the Team in Training events.  Somehow, they make you feel like you have made the biggest difference in the world and that you are truly an amazing person.  By the end of the weekend, I felt like I was!  At the dinner, we  sat with our Virginia teammates and listened to stories from survivors/family members affected by blood cancers and heard racing tidbits and humor from John Bingham “The Penguin”.  The inspiration dinner did just what it is supposed to do, it inspired me and reminded me as to why we fight and beg for every dollar for LLS.  After the dinner, we met with the entire Virginia team and talked about race strategies and what would happen the next day.  Our Coach, Chuck, went over many things including that it would be hotter than what we had expected.  And then off to bed we went. 

I have to give a shout out to Ms. Jeannie Dennis for being my partner in crime this weekend.  I feel like I have worked pretty hard these last months and at some point, you just want someone that knows you to see your effort and really understand what it means.  You want to be able to share your efforts with someone and I realized during the inspiration dinner how thankful I was that Jeannie was there.  She blindly came along to all the events with our TNT Team and happily became a part of us, we even stenciled TNT Groupie on her arm for the race.  Big huge thanks to Jeannie, you are awesome!

I had decorated my jersey with pictures of Uncle Pat and his family.  What I remember most of finding out about Uncle Pat’s Leukemia was the fear in my Cousin Anne’s voice in that my Uncle Pat might never get to hold his grandchildren or be a part of their lives.  I remember Annie and I crying on the phone multiple times over this simple yet huge fear over the uncertainty of how much time we might have with him.  Not only did I run with Uncle Pat’s picture on my jersey, but Uncle Pat’s family, including my Aunt Patty and my cousins Anne, Patrick and John.  I grew up down the street from them and they were my constant playmates, my Uncle Pat and Aunt Patty were my secondary parents.  We would do anything for each other.  My cousin John once told me when we were little, that when he was older he would buy me the horse that I always wanted but instead gave me a picture of a horse that he had made as his promise.   Such a simple gesture, it always stayed with me that even as children, we wanted to make each other’s dreams come true.  So, I run for all of them, not just Uncle Pat.  Having lost my brother when I was 24, I am fully aware of the pain of losing someone and I run with Team in Training in order to have my cousins not lose their father.   It’s painful to write that sentence, but that sentence is my motivation.  That sentence is the only thing I can do for them.

Our Coach had mentioned during our pre-race meeting to remember at mile 8 or 11 when you are hurting that you aren’t in chemo and that you have the ability to run.  And sure enough, after the heat and the many hills in Nashville, at mile 8, I thought of my Uncle Pat and his family.  During the race, you can’t help but notice all the purple jersey’s on the course.  It is truly a TEAM.  All others might be running solo, but when you see the purple jersey, the person from Nebraska isn’t a stranger, they are a teammate.  And you smile at them and tell them they are looking good.  You see Coaches along each stretch and they shout out your name for you.  At mile 11, Coach Chuck found me and ran with me some to check in on me.  I have to say that seeing his face at mile 11 was quite the boost.  Having someone give me a little attention and a little boost was an amazing feeling.  I asked him about our Virginia team because somewhere along this journey, you turn into a team.  You care about each other and want to know they are doing well. 

Overall this wasn’t my best race time wise.  It was hot and hilly.  I know I complain a lot about hills, but they really do wear on you when you aren’t used to them.  But this was my strongest race physically and mentally.  I was able to sprint the finish, which was my real goal.  I was so disappointed after the DC race that I didn’t do my signature ‘want to throw up sprint’ at the end.  I was proud to do it this time, no matter my race time.  After the race, I wandered over to the Team in Training tent to notify them that I had finished and was greeted with cheers and whistles.  The love and attention they shower on you is breath taking.  I don’t like to be the center of attention, I want to work hard and let my work speak for itself.  But I tried to bask in this praise that is literally being showered upon you.  And it felt good.  The after race Team in Training tent is basically a VIP tent complete with yummy food, ice baths and private port-a-potties.  Seriously, Team in Training makes you feel like a rock star.  But that is what these folks are…they are rock stars in purple jerseys that are fighting for those with, affected or even may potentially have blood cancers.  I am so proud to be a part of the Team! 

Part 2 - The Soccer Gals

 The soccer gals!!  Somewhere along the way of doing these races, it came to my attention that one of my favorite college soccer teammates, Beth, was also running in Nashville.  Then a few other soccer gals decided to run it and it quickly turned into a Soccer reunion!  Four of us ended up running (Beth, Lindsey, Rebecca and myself) while 4 others (Amy, Jennifer, Christie and Kyra) came in town to either cheer us on or offer post-race emotional support and fun!  I had mentioned to my best friend, Amy, that I’d never had a sign made for me during a race and sure enough, at some point in her busy life, she managed to make me two!  She got out there to the race with Jennifer and they cheered us on!  What a boost it was to see them along the course!!  Jennifer even allowed me to give her sweaty hugs without complaint! 

I love these girls with all my heart but there was a part of me that was nervous about seeing everyone.  Much like any reunion, you wonder what people will think of you ten years later.  I’ve kept up with some of the girls for years but there are others which I haven’t kept up with as I should.  Shame on me for that.  Hopefully, I’ve always made it apparent to them that I would come running if they needed me.  I’d drop everything for any of them.

But I was still nervous to run the same race they were running! Let me emphasize that we all played collegiate soccer together and are super competitive at heart.  You have to be competitive in order to play any sport.  You have to have that drive to beat other people, to pass them, to be faster and stronger than your competitor.  And the soccer gals who decided to come run this race are in incredibly good shape.  They were always the fastest girls.  Beth, Rebecca and Lindsey were the forwards and mid-fielders who could run all day and who shot by defenders like it was a Sunday morning jaunt.  These gals are FAST!! I am not!!  Never have been.  So, I felt a little out of my element and had to fight down the competitive girl in my mind who still has insecurities that she isn’t the fastest on the team.  And partially because of those insecurities, I knew I wanted to run this race on my own.  I wanted to be solely responsible for my performance and I wanted to concentrate on running for Team in Training.  So, I didn’t start with them and I did run it alone, just as I had wanted to.  As I’ve been reminded many times during this journey ‘Running is not a team sport’, although I wish it was!!

In the end, we all had a tough time with the hills and the heat of the race.  Although, I think of these girls as superhuman, we all are still very human.  We are all getting older.  Our bodies are starting to betray us a little.  But I’m still mesmerized by these women in their physical abilities.  My pride in them overcomes any insecurity that I have, which was the exact same 10 years ago.  I still feel the same overwhelming pride in them when they finish a half marathon just as I did when they scored a goal.  I still feel the old protective nature in me that has always prevailed over my competitive nature. All I want to do is see them succeed.  I still want to sit them down and tell them what phenomenal women they are and that the world is theirs for the taking.  That they can do anything they put their mind to doing.  That it makes me so incredibly happy to see them happy in their life choices. 

I’ve always known that during College soccer, my physical abilities were not my strongest asset for the team.  I’d like to think it was my leadership abilities.  I’d like to believe that it was my ability to pull our team together.  I’d like to believe it was that I could inspire someone to be a better version of them self.  And that as their Captain, I could make them see each other as more than teammates…I could make them sisters.  And it still put an immediate smile on my face to hear Beth say ‘Oh Captain, My Captain’ to me.  I hope that at some point in their college soccer career, I inspired them in some way.  That maybe I helped put them on the amazing paths that they are all on today.  I’d like to think that I did something right as a leader if we all still want to see each other years later!! 

I walked away from the race and the weekend not upset that I was slower than them, but feeling inspired by them.  They make me want to run faster, push harder and keep at it.  They remind me that I’ve never been a quitter and never will be.  Because at the end of my day, I still want to be their Captain.  I still want to take care of them and inspire them.  I can only hope that I do!